By Faith...

In the past couple months, I have had a couple different people discuss their opposition to God, and to faith. There's too much in the world and in their lives that made one of them doubt the very existence of God...and the other to go so far as to "hate" God.  In discussions with both, I walked away frustrated.  Frustrated that I can't always articulate the way I want.  Frustrated that they can so easily walk away from something so important.  Frustrated that I may have failed them in their walk.  But along with this frustration has come a renewed sense of where my faith is.  It's been a recurring theme in my life for the past month.  It's taken my heart captive.  After conversations with both of these people I have been able to walk away more convinced than ever of my need for my Savior.

I read Hebrews 11 this morning.  I'm posting it here for you to read.

1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 2 This is what the ancients were commended for. 3 By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. 4 By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did. By faith he was commended as a righteous man, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith he still speaks, even though he is dead. 5 By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death; he could not be found, because God had taken him away. For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. 6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. 7 By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that comes by faith. 8 By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. 9 By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. 10 For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. 11 By faith Abraham, even though he was past age--and Sarah herself was barren--was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who had made the promise. 12 And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country--a heavenly one.Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. 17 By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, 18 even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned." 19 Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death. 20 By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau in regard to their future. 21 By faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of Joseph's sons, and worshiped as he leaned on the top of his staff. 22 By faith Joseph, when his end was near, spoke about the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt and gave instructions about his bones. 23 By faith Moses' parents hid him for three months after he was born, because they saw he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king's edict. 24 By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh's daughter. 25 He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time.26 He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. 27 By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king's anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible. 28 By faith he kept the Passover and the sprinkling of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel.29 By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land; but when the Egyptians tried to do so, they were drowned. 30 By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the people had marched around them for seven days. 31 By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient. 32 And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets, 33 who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies.35 Women received back their dead, raised to life again. Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection. 36 Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. 37 They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated-- 38 the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground. 39 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. 40 God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

I love the verse that says "the world was not worthy of them."  That verse struck me several years ago, and has stayed with me since.  I look at the lives of these fathers of my faith.  I look at their actions, their hard times, their perseverance to the point of death, and I don't doubt that the world wasn't worthy of them.  What would it take for the same to be said of me?  I like to put myself into this chapter...
By faith Jessica passed up on the temptations to follow the crowd in High School.  By faith she chose to go to college for a ministry degree.  By faith she became a missionary and traveled all around the world.  By faith...her story isn't over.

My faith is who I am.  I cannot imagine life without it.  My friends, my jobs, my future dreams are all centered on my faith.  Take it away, and I'm nothing.  It is my hope, my passion, my security.  It gives me peace when I am anxious.  It gives me life when I am weary.  And I can only hope that when I die, it can be said of me "the world was not worthy of her..."

My Compassion Experience

This weekend I volunteered with The Compassion Experience here in Omaha.  My job was to set the ipods for people to go through the experience, and clean the headsets when they finished.  But the weekend was so much more.

I arrived on Friday, not completely sure what to expect.  They sent me through one of the stories.  There were three stories, Brinda from India, Julian from Uganda, and Ruben from Bolivia.  I went through Brinda's story.  The first room was her home, complete with hindu gods covering every wall and shelf.  I was in India two years ago, this took me directly back.  She speaks about her family, and living in India, and the Hindu religion.  The next room was the Compassion center, including a picture of her sponsor and several letters written from her sponsor.  She writes about how they taught her about the one true God, as opposed to the hundreds of hindu gods. As I pushed aside the curtain into the next room, I found myself standing next to a hospital bed.  Her grandma had been sick, and was likely to die.  Her family prayed to all of the hindu gods they could.  They brought in an Islam healer.  Her grandma didn't get better.  Finally they listened to Brinda's pleas that they pray to the God of Christianity.  It was a last resort, but they did.  Her grandma was healed.  Brinda's family, her mother and grandma believed on that day.  Her sister believed when, several years later, they had no money to allow her sister to finish school.  They prayed and fasted for 3 days.  On the third day, someone they barely knew gave them enough money to pay for her sister's schooling.  Brinda graduated from the Compassion program, and helped teach at a school at her Compassion site.  She now works for Compassion in Bangalore, India.  I walked through the last curtain, and there she was.  Brinda, in the flesh.  The girl whose story just wretched my heart, was standing in front of me.  For hundreds of people this weekend, the feeling of disbelief in seeing her was overwhelming.  I saw many people come through the doors with tears still in their eyes.  Brinda is traveling with the Compassion Experience, telling her story all over the United States for the next 4 weeks.  She got to experience snow for the first time here in Nebraska.  She said Indian food in Omaha is not Indian food.  She has an incredible heart, and I was so blessed to get to be around her for a couple hours this weekend.

I posted this picture on Facebook, and my dad commented:
"Wow...that's awesome!!!! I know at times it must seem that the support you give to your Compassion kids seems small, or meaningless....but what great evidence you've seen....and will one day see...well done Jess!"

I sponsor two children through Compassion.  That's $76 a month.  Sometimes it feels like that's all it is.  Just money out of my bank account.  Meeting Brinda this weekend, hearing her story, and Julian's story, reminded me that it's so much more.  It's providing hope.  It's providing stability. It's providing a brighter future.  I already know that one of my sponsored children, Gerson, will be a great preacher someday.  He already encourages me in every single letter with scripture.

With Gerson, in Honduras.

With my other sponsored child, Keny

I saw many people come through the doors at the end with tears in their eyes.  My heart swelled with joy when I would notice the sponsorship packet in so many hands.  Kids excited to sponsor another child, because they have what those children don't.  We had one girl who couldn't have been more than 12, want to give a donation.  She gave $5.  Her brother gave $5.  She ran out, and came back with a $20 from her dad.  Her other brother dug in his wallet, pulled out a quarter, but held on to it and said "let me find a dollar." He gave $5.  The generosity of children wanting to help children melted my heart.

Really, great experience.  Great program. If you have an opportunity to sponsor a child, do it.  You can change a life, and the life you change can go on to change thousands more.  You have no idea what your sponsorship will do.

If you want to sponsor a child, visit this website. http://www.compassion.com/sponsor_a_child/default.htm?referer=129946

If you have any questions about sponsorship, talk to me. My email is keown.jessica@gmail.com

Complaining

It's April.  It's snowing. I've lost track of the complaints I've heard about this.  So here's my two cents on complaining.

*Disclaimer: I complain sometimes*

If you can't change it, there's no point in complaining about it, because complaining won't do ANYTHING.  For example...the snow.  We have absolutely no control over the weather, so why complain about it? You only make yourself feel more miserable!

If you CAN change it, stop complaining and start doing something!

So basically, there's no reason to complain.  And I've decided to put effort into not complaining.  Who wants to be around someone who always complains!  And if you complain around me, be prepared for an obnoxious response about something you should be thankful for instead.  It's all about perspective.  I'm finding mine again.

Poor Livin'

I had no job in January and February.  I had no income.

I went on a ski trip.

I bought new clothes.

I ate out a lot.

I went to a Broadway production of Lion King

Basically, I did NOT live like I was unemployed WHILE I was unemployed.  And my bank account took a beating.  Towards the end of last month it finally hit me how stupid I had been financially.  I decided that I would "live like I'm legitimately poor" for at least one whole month to try to replenish my bank account.  It's been an experience for sure.

So for the past two weeks, this has been my strategy:
I don't eat out unless someone else is paying...but I'm EXTREMELY grateful for those who do pay for me.  But that means I haven't had Chick-Fil-A in 2 weeks... :(

I pack my lunch for work, along with snacks. I dig out 3 quarters from my change jar to buy a soda while I'm on my long shifts.

I plan my trips and get as much done while I'm out as I can to save gas.

I haven't been to Target since I started this new budget.

I use a small amount of cash for small purchases, trying not to use my debit card as much as possible (side note: to waive the fee for my checking account, I need to use my card ten times a month...I'll be going through self checkout today at Walmart, using my card for 10 separate transactions.)

I take my own coffee when I meet friends for coffee.

And while it's limiting, it's also liberating.  I'm more aware of where my money is going.  Filling up my tank is a bit painful-so I drive less.  I believe I've convinced myself to continue with this budget longer than my month...because it's probably the best way to live in an economy that could go bust any minute.

God provides me with a job, and a paycheck.  He provides me with enough money to pay my bills.  He is good, and always will be.

Cloud of Witnesses

I'm still thinking about the sermon I got to hear this morning...and I don't say that often.  So I thought I'd share.

The speaker spoke on Hebrews 12:1-2.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

He spoke about the men and women who came before him, some names he knew, many he didn't, and how each of them, in their faith, paved the way for him to grow in his relationship with Christ.  He challenged us to consider who we have in our lives that would be considered part of this great cloud of witnesses, past and present individuals.  He then challenged us to think about whose cloud WE are going to be in, and challenged us to live our lives and do great things so others can know Christ...not so that we're known.

He moves on, and told us of ancient Rome, with the stadiums and colloseums.  He told us that the races began in the stadiums, and then the runners were sent out of the stadium, and into the city/rural area.  Hours upon hours they ran, and at the end of the race, only 1/4 of the runners returned to the stadium for the final laps.  By this time, the runners who had made it this far were close to done.  They were stumbling, falling, wanting to give up.  But in these stadiums, there was a ring around the floor that was reserved seating.  It was reserved for past champions.  Everyone who finished the race was crowned a champion.  And so all of these people who had finished the race before were there, closest to the runners, cheering them on, encouraging them to get up and keep on with their race, that they were so close to being finished.  It is said that they called that ring where the champions sat the "cloud."

Now, I haven't researched this, and I'll probably do that sometime, but wow.  Just wow.  I feel like the imagery of past champions of the faith cheering me on in my daily struggles, and my daily "race" is just so powerful.  That people like Moses and Abraham, and Isaac and Jesus are sitting there, having completed the race, encouraging me to keep going, to not give up, to finish my race.

That...is pretty cool.

Soap Box

I've decided that I like pastors who aren't afraid to step on some toes.  It strikes me that there are a lot of pastors out there who walk on eggshells when preaching to the congregation.

When the Gospel is preached, it's going to crush a couple pinky toes.  Jesus offended people wherever he went.  He spoke truth into their lives brimming with lies.  He called them out.  He called them broods of vipers, and white-washed tombs.  He addressed the fact that each and every one of them had sin in their lives, past present and future.  Jesus was not popular.  When he died and was resurrected, the Bible numbers the believers at about 120 (Acts 1:15).  Christianity spread because the Gospel of Jesus Christ was preached, and the Holy Spirit did some conviction work.  Then those people went out and preached the Gospel that saved them.  They didn't accept the Gospel, then go home and say "I'm glad we made that decision."  They went out.  They lived the Gospel every single day.  They were persecuted because they were so active in their faith.  I want just an ounce of the boldness they had proclaiming the Gospel!

We as a church have become comfortable.  We've become complacent.  We're good with going to church once or twice a week, and even spending time in prayer and study during the week.  We cover ourselves with this false pretension that we're doing it all.  We like to hang on to the lie that sin is just something we can't avoid, we're human. We sin.  And somehow we talk ourselves into being okay with that fact.  We justify our sins, and excuse them as being less than they are.  "curse words are just words" "listening to songs about sex and drugs doesn't affect my life" "I know what I watch in movies is wrong, I'd never do that in my life".  Satan is a schemer.  He knows what to do and what to use to give us this illusion...and he doesn't have to work very hard.  (Read the Screwtape Letters sometime, while fiction, it presents a lot of truth).

I went to a church in Denver that was refreshing.  It was a small congregation in a newer church plant.  At the end of his sermon, the pastor went over their values, and their ministry plan to get people involved.  All of this was good, then he did something that pleasantly shocked me.  He told the visitors that they could take as much time as they needed to figure out what capacity and what level they wanted to get involved in.  And then he spoke to the people who came to church weekly mostly because they like the pastor and his preaching, but really didn't have any intention of being involved.  He said that he appreciated that they were there, but that they would probably be better off finding a new church.  This church's expectations of involvement were such that the pastor concluded that eventually they would get on each others nerves-He would keep preaching involvement, they would keep being uninvolved.

He told people to get involved or get out.

At first I was somewhat offended that he would do that, that he, a pastor obviously interested in growing his flock, telling people to find a new church.  But the fact that he so desperately wanted to be a church fully invested in living the Gospel in their communities, that he wouldn't want to be slowed by people uninterested in that mission.

So, church, we can do better.

*Note* I do not mean pastors who preach judgement-that's for God.
*Note* We are a fallen human race, sin does happen, but it's time we stop explaining it away.
*Note* I know this is a lot of rambling randomness that doesn't really follow along any track...but it's my blog. I'll do what I want.

Churchy thoughts

It's snowing today.  I knew it would be, so I had already decided that I would do church at home.  That meant not setting an alarm, and after going to bed around 2 (with time change), I wasn't able to talk myself into getting out of bed until 11.  Judge all you want, my room was cold, my bed was warm.  I have no regrets.  So I got some oatmeal and made some coffee (breakfast at 11...not quite as unusual in my life as it should be) and settled down for some time with God.  I started with worship with Jesus Culture Pandora station, while I looked for a podcast to listen to.  Coffee in hand, I listened to a sermon by Erwin McManus out of Mosaic church in LA.


I love the Bride of Christ, the church.  She's not perfect by a long shot, but she tries.  I've been involved with the same church for the past 5 years, mostly in the youth ministry, but attend church services there as well. I find myself constantly frustrated, leaving church critical of the sermon, and not challenged whatsoever.  I listen to 20 minutes of talk about Scripture, and I feel like even that should evoke some sort of change, because the Word of God is living and active!  But rarely do I leave changed.   I don't doubt that my pastor speaks to people, that he speaks on their level, but I crave something more.  When I move, I want to find a church that challenges me, that's not afraid to step on my toes a little bit to make change happen.  Also, since reading Barefoot Church I've realized that I also want to be involved in a church that IS involved.  A church that serves others, not itself.  My current church is headed that direction-and I'm excited for the end result, but unfortunately even that is several years away.  We're called to be the hands and feet of Christ, not just sit in his building.  I suppose that goes with being challenged.

I love the Bride of Christ....but I long to see her do more.